I mean, I’m not really sure what else I was expecting.

Let me set the scene for you: It was a Friday afternoon much like this one, largely because it was this one. I had just finished taking a ClickHole quiz entitled “Can You Match The Pigeons To The Way They’re Ruining My Whole Life?” Afterward, I stepped away from my PC to go down to the building that houses my apartment complex’s washing machine, to put my laundry in the drier. Boom: from behind a trash can emerged a pigeon, eyes afire with some sort of bird emotion (probably vengeance) screaming into the sky. “OK,” I thought to myself, “that was a little weird.”

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Rattled, I returned to my PC to engage in one of my favorite self-care/loathing acts: checking Steam’s new releases page. Of course, my eyes immediately gravitated to Wonky Pigeon. It is highly unlikely that any of these events are connected, but there’s your idea for a modern reboot of Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds, Hollywood.

So the game is about a pigeon trying to destroy cities with poop. Humanity played some kind of cruel joke on the pigeon, and then things got wacky. Also, apocalyptic.

But the rabbit—pigeon?—pigeon hole (ew) runs deeper. Look at this list of things that are in the game:

  • Both evil and comic game story - Use a pigeon to destroy a city with poo.
  • Beautiful cartoon graphics - You will love to shoot green poo.
  • Split screen coop mode - Two pigeons is better than one.
  • The dramatic poo cam - Drive the poo until it hits the target.
  • Pigeon sounds by John J. Dick - The famous actor who voiced Serious Sam.

That last one took me by surprise too. I guess he does a mad solid pigeon impersonation? Stock recordings of pigeons also do a pretty good pigeon impersonation, but to each their own!

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Anyway, Wonky Pigeon is a game about a pigeon who poops on people. That is pretty much The Whole Thing. It just launched on Steam Early Access, although curiously, I am unable to purchase it at the moment. So yes, the world is weird, and pigeons are assholes (with other miscellaneous bird parts attached). Happy Friday, everyone.

You’re reading Steamed, Kotaku’s page dedicated to all things in and around Valve’s stupidly popular PC gaming service. Games, culture, community creations, criticism, guides, videos—everything. If you’ve found anything cool/awful on Steam, send us an email to let us know.

To contact the author of this post, write to nathan.grayson@kotaku.com or find him on Twitter @vahn16.

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