Fuck Video Game Tutorial Guy. Every time you so much as breathe without shoving a brick in your mouth, he acts like you’re a long-dead godking gracing mortals with your presence. It’s cloying and ridiculous, and Streets of Rogue does a nice job of poking fun at the trope.

Over the weekend, I spent a few hours with Streets of Rogue, a really cool game that combines roguelike elements with immersive sims like Deus Ex, which let you hack or negotiate your way through dicey situations. I’ll have more detailed impressions soon, but first, this tutorial snippet is just so good:

It’s brief, but it’s Video Game Tutorial Guy taken to his most extreme logical-ish conclusion. At first he talks about The Resistance’s very high standards for entry. “I’d offer words of encouragement,” he says, “but I seriously doubt you’re gonna get very far.” Then you prove you’re a human adult capable of walking, and he starts losing his shit. When you find a lockpick and don’t immediately jam it into your own eye socket, he gets so excited that he... explodes. Into meaty chunks. It’s as gruesome as it is satisfying, because like I said earlier, fuck Video Game Tutorial Guy.

Granted, the game goes on to walk you through a fairly traditional tutorial (albeit with freedom to kill basically anybody, despite the second Tutorial Guy’s protests), but a good goof is still a good goof.

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