Illustration by Sam Woolley.

Most Steam games come with somewhere in the neighborhood of 15-50 unlockable achievements. Running Through Russia has 4,096.

Let me be upfront with you: Running Through Russia, which I found out about thanks to PC Gamer, is not good. It’s actually many unique flavors of bad—like a rainbow shaved ice, except all the flavors are different people’s urine. The graphics are amateurish. The controls feel awful. It’s just not fun. In short, though, it’s a runner game where you drink vodka and leap over poorly drawn bears. There really isn’t much to it.

For some reason, it has thousands of achievements. The game’s in early access right now, so the achievements have names like “new_achievement_1_10.” I played it for a few minutes, and sometimes single jumps would net me multiple achievements. At the end of most runs, I was greeted by a confetti blast of colorful achievement boxes in the corner of my screen. I couldn’t help but laugh.

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It’s bizarre. It’s funny. It’s... still not worth a cent of your money. But man, 4,096 achievements. Like sure, I guess? I mean, if developers are allowed to do it, why not? Good luck naming them, developer person. The road ahead of you is a long one. Watch out for bears.

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